Officially a Rambling Man... (Google it)

Catching Up

Years ago, I loved markets, back when it was fun. It occurred to me recently that it hasn't been fun in a while. That's not necessarily bear market blues talking either.

You see, the fun bit was learning about companies, sectors, strategies etc. That and thinking about a better future and where the investment and investment's potential returns would contribute to that better future.

Then... I got steered off course, somewhere in between there and here I got distracted by trying to achieve escape velocity from real life. Things went alarmingly well for a while and the situation changed. Good became not good enough. Anything less than unsustainable felt like a step down. "Quitting." It became a matter of competition. I enjoy the occasional competition but this became life. I felt I needed to be sharp, aggressive and singularly focused... All the time. I'd get too involved in the daily price movements and overly frustrated with the simplest of things. Holdings doing little silly things became painful and mentally consuming because I was relying too much on them. Companies not returning enough capital quick enough became a failing or frustration. Then after a lengthy period of misery it wasn't interesting or fun it was everything all the time. It was too much. I went from being disappointed about the weekend to needing it to have any peace of mind. The noise became all I could hear. I was trying too hard & it wasn't working. Plenty of good results came years after I found them in the past and I put myself in a place where I mentally didn't have the time.

I set unrealistic expectations for myself and assumed that others had too.

It wasn't about finding good investments, it was about compounding as quickly as possible. Seeing if I could handle different situations & risks. Testing limits. It also, obviously, hasn't been going well.

Remedy:

So, how do I fix this? Well, I need to move towards fun again. I'm sure I'll need to be less focused on markets going forward than I have been but I believe they'll probably always be a part of my life. At their core, they're fun, interesting and productive. I also realized that I enjoyed sharing some of my thoughts. Something I had been missing and contributed to my mental isolation. I need to do it differently but I think it can be done in a way that's positive. Being right isn't more important than being happy. I lost sight of that.

The response to my recent tweets blew up well beyond what I could have imagined. I forgot how many of you there were and met more of you than I considered. I'd been gone for so long and there were even more names, sharing, supporting and encouraging. The phrase "You are not alone" although cliché... Has been absolutely true. Thanks everyone I really appreciate it & hope you find something interesting here. A number of people mentioned something specific about what I did or the way I did things that they appreciated which was quite impactful. I'll try to stay true to that going forward. The thing about hitting a bottom, whether in markets or in life is that you're surrounded in negativity, and just when it feels like nothing can go right. That's when you wake up one day and realize that you're through the worst of it. Not to say everything will be fine but there's much more upside than downside in the future.

That said, I'm thinking about doing it differently. When I made videos the process often went,

1: Go on a long walk, have an idea of something to talk about, perhaps take notes

2: Get home and while alert and have energy make presentation

3: Find quiet time to record... And again because I suck at talking or don't say it right... Go on tangent etc (Only to have people complain that I speak too slowly)

4: Upload, tags, title, cover. 

5: Release at a time where hopefully I don't get rejected by the algo or ruin the algo's opinion of me for the next video.

6: Read and reply in long form to lots of comments.

None of which is the actual source material. As a side note, I can't tell you how many things got to step 2 that you never saw for a myriad of reasons. I want something more raw, less processed... But a bit more than a tweet. 

In any case it was quite a lengthy process and in the end if we're being honest, most of the potentially interesting stuff was in step one. The format wasn't anything special either... It was the boringest* (not a word except for what I was doing) of boring formats. My stance on public speaking is akin to early years Buffett & I felt some of that even buffered. I'm surprised any of you tuned in more than once. So why am I doing the rest that I enjoy significantly less? I go for walks anyways and I like them. My mind is... semi-functional anyways so maybe I can do everything on the move. So my proposal is this; I'll write, some long and some short posts while walking (at least predominantly). I won't be as competitive. No recommendations (never was). Less short term oriented investments. No schedule or deadline. Just thoughts, ideas, opinions and perhaps the occasional joke or meme. Sometimes there's a history or aspect of an investment that's on my mind with a point or two I believe is interesting. Exclusively the part I enjoy & only while I still enjoy it. Something more akin to a twitter thread. In a productive and time efficient manner.

I thought more about ideas that were shared with me by friends and acquaintances along the way. Some good ones, some less appealing to me. Even a number of the good ones had unforeseen or unforeseeable issues along the way. I never blamed the person who shared the idea. It wasn't even always management's fault. Many people also reminded me of this side recently. People can use whatever information (good and bad) but make their own choices. You can use whatever data, opinion, or lens you want to analyze something but in the end your choice, world view, outlook, timeframe, etc. will create your own unique decisions. Even still good ideas can go wrong.

I'm going to assume that half of you use this as you would use Cramer, so my net impact will be 0. That way when I inevitably get hit by a car and the blog stops there's no net disruption. (Just kidding, I always check before crossing.) 

I don't know how often or if there'll be any interest in this format but I think I'll give it another try.

Same rules as before, I'm not trying to push any ideas. I'll tell you if I own something I discuss. I'll probably answer less comment responses (time related, more in a minute) but you can't rely on me. I screw up a lot and even when I don't it often still looks like I did for a while. I'm also going to be taking a step towards the casual direction. Simply less 'hard mode' situations so no threading the needle situations or at least a step back on specifics. Things can still go horrendously wrong or amazingly right with reasonable investments. I'll still look at sectors and situations but avoid other things that I've decided to be more cautious about discussing. Even with that filter, mistakes are inevitable.

I came to another realization. I was focusing on my goal of wanting my investing to be good enough that it could be full time "retiree" style. I didn't solve some other things thinking when I did I'd have time for them. Essentially, I need to better manage time. I think this more casual format will allow me to post both half ideas & boringly long thoughts as I have them. Hence multitasking & cutting down on the tasks 2-5 that felt more like jobs than passions. On the comments; I did enjoy hearing and responding to most of them and will keep trying where it can be simply done but I was often spending way more time giving a full response (that I believed was deserved) than I had ever imagined going in. I doubt this blog will ever generate a relevant income so I need to have it compact enough that I can expand efforts in that direction & other fulfilling ventures.

I enjoyed building something, I enjoyed sharing ideas. I even enjoyed rambling... If you can believe it. So let's get back to building something here but something healthier this time. Thanks everyone for your support to date and hopefully in this venture going forward.